Tinder is now available on Apple TV. Why you might ask? I thought the same thing.
I’m still trying to figure that one out. In the mean time, lets have some fun with these silly people.
Invite friends and family
Yes, because my friends and family don’t have anything to do with their time other then sit around while I ogle over woman I’ll never fuck.
put out the chips and dip
That’s actually a good idea. You have to remember to be a good host while sharing your Tinder experience with your loved ones. They need to keep their energy up while you arrange dates with single moms that ride horses and have a giant German Sheppard and their grandpa in their profile pic.
How else are you supposed to know she’s adventurous, is an animal lover, and loves her Papa? Ya, I couldn’t think of another way either.
We’ve combined all the joys of swiping with all the comforts of your home
Wrong! You missed one: swiping on the shitter. There’s nothing more joyous than dropping a huge deuce while reading yet another profile that says, “Not looking for hookups, I’m so over that!”
Hey, she seems like a keeper! (*plop*)
Next, here are some promotional ads that Tinder and Apple put together. And let me tell you, they sure are revealing.
She’s Not Good Enough for My Boy!
Hey Ma! Get the hell outta here so I can find a chubby 6 and get a handjob, on your couch, cuz I’m unemployed!
Now in the comfort of your own home (or your parents) you can find, “The One” on a TV, in all its 70inch HD-4K-3D glory.
Shut up Dad! Don’t you slut shame me!
Now you and your bff can look for bad boys to, “just take you” on that gross 1970s couch.
He’ll probably never call you again.
(PS – I’d be careful on that couch, your brother was using it the other day, eww.)
Um Mom, I could really use a Dad, you know, since I wasn’t raised with a father figu…..okay I’ll shut up.
(This year has been an eye opener for me, and I’m sure for some of you as well. I decided to test my unplugging to see if I can pierce the veil of mainstream culture by dissecting the bullshit that is promoted by its “Soldiers of the Narrative” i.e. Celebrities (or wanna be celebs). Oh, and to also have some fun! This is Part VII of The D Live Culture Series.)
As 2016 comes to an end, lets all look back and be grateful that our friends and family made it through another difficu….wait what?
Yes I’m white that’s correct. Why yes I’m a male.
I see. So I’m excluded from the conversation because of my gender and skin colour? Oh okay. Thanks for clearing that up.
Well, while I contemplate why I should hate myself and feel guilty for the fact I didn’t choose my parents, genes, environment, and especially the melanin on my epidermis, watch this video from The Representation Project. If you don’t, you’re a bigot:
And here I thought 2016 was the Year of the Monkey. Is that racist?
2016 Was The Year of Toxic Masculinity
2016 WAS A TUMULTUOUS YEAR….
I’ll fucking stop you right there, “Tumultuous”? You SOB’s made me have to google search what that word means. Right off the bat I can tell you suck. Nobody needs to use words like that, unless they want to sound smart. I’m a normal dude and I’ve NEVER said that stupid word. Although, I have to keep my cool. I should expect this from these people.
Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson is filing a sexual harassment lawsuit against network Chairmen and CEO Roger Ailes. More than two dozen other women said Ailes used his status to sexually harass his employees.
Bullshit. Roger looks like that fish dude from the Phantom Menace. NO WAY broads let him touch their hoo-ya.
Meesa REFUSE to believe it!
For the second time in two days a police killing of a black man…
“We got pulled over for a busted tail light and the pol-eece just killed my boyfriend – “fuck!””
A massacre in a gay night club, fifteen people were killed…
WHO AND WHAT IS TO BLAME FOR ALL OF THIS???!!!
“You know what they say about men with small hands?” – Marco Rubio
Yes, in fact I do. It means their cock is tiny. Oh Mark, you’re so funny.
“Aw you gotta see this guy, “Aw I dunno what I said ughhh I don’t REMEMBER!” -Donald J. Trump
“We are going to kick your rear-ends out of the White House!” – Chris Christie
Oh dear! He said “rear-ends”! What a horrible, disgusting person!
*Cue fainting-couch lady
“Get out of here! GET OUT!”
“You are a loser.”
“I would like to punch him in the face.”
“LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!” – Donald J. Trump
“And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything…Grab them by the pussy.” – Donald. J Trump
I know it may be hard for some people to realise, but it was a different time back then. People courted each other differently.
When a man was interested in a lady he would saunter up to the gal and firmly, but gracefully, extend his arm and hand and then clasp her clam.
And if the woman was enticed by his grasping of her snatch, she would reciprocate by coiling her finger back into a nice closed-package and flick his prick with jarring force, and then skip into the bush expecting him to follow.
It’s was the dance-of-love for it’s time. A beautiful thing really.
“She doesn’t have the look. She doesn’t have the stamina.”
“She’s actually not strong enough to be President.” – Donald J. Trump
“I’m much richer than almost anybody.” – Donald J. Trump
“Don’t you think a man who has this kind of economic genius is a lot better for the United States than a woman….” (they cut it off right there) – Rudy Juliani
“Every woman lied. All of these liars will be sued.”
“I am going to instruct my Attorney General to get a special prosecutor to look into your situation.” – Donald J. Trump
“When Mexico sends its people…they’re rapists…”
“You have inner cities that are more dangerous than some war zones.”
“BUILD THAT WALL! BUILD THAT WALL!” – Donald J. Trump
Nearly 900 incidents of hate were reported in the ten days following the election.
A throwback to the days of segregation.
Of course, we’re now back in the sixties. Because these couldn’t possibly be hoaxes. These days it’s nothing like it was back then. Man, these losers make my head hurt!
Wait, YOU did this?! I thought it was my fault because I had a penis. Now I’m confused.
“Also, give us your money.”
Phew – what a year!
A few things:
I would bet some of these quotes they used in the video were taken out of context. Just a hunch.
I’m not defending everything Trump and others said. I’m just not getting butt-hurt over it. In fact, I’m having fun with it. And you should too.
Feel free to have some fun in the comments below!
Unless you’re a white man. In that case, go fuck yourself.
(The first part of this post is a comment of mine that I left over at FreedomandFulfilment.com. The second part is a reflection.)
These days I’ve got the self-talk and negative thoughts pretty much under control. I only talk negatively to myself if it’s constructive. For example, if I actually did something stupid, I’ll say something like, “D you’re such an ass (then as if to look up to the score-judges and say), I’ll allow it.”
I only allow positive negative-talk. Kind of like harsh constructive criticism.
“But sometimes my mind impersonates that person and their voice says something that I think they would say.”
“(If you experience this as well, I would watch out for it, because you can start attributing things to people they never said or never would say, just because you imagine it so convincingly.)”
As soon as I read those I thought about the way I sometimes think about my father (EDIT: I’ve written about this before). I love the guy. He was actually at my place yesterday. He was here in town for a funeral. He stayed the night at my new place. It was great to see him. He’s very supportive.
For some reason I ponder about things I think he would say to me. If I did something I think he would be displeased with I would, “start attributing things to…” him that he, “…never said or never would say.”
Perhaps that comes from my personal history growing up with him. Nothing terribly bad happened. But I do remember in the past the anger I had towards him. I’m sure that’s normal for any guy that grew up with a hard ass for a father.
One of the things that I am learning about myself (through recognising my inner dialogue, and trying to understand it) is that the anger left over from the past, towards my old man, must be forgiven. I’m 31 years old now. I’m constantly reminding myself that my parents did the best they could. And they did a hell of a job.
Being aware of all this has certainly helped me ‘grow up’ a bit. And it all started with recognising, accepting, then dissecting the thoughts in my head.
There comes a time in a young man’s life where he has to let go and forgive his old man. Barring any actual abuse, you cannot blame your parents for who you are.
Even though almost everything you are has come from them – chromosomes, genetics, environment, language, beliefs, values, habits (good and bad), etc. – you should no longer hold resentment or rage towards them.
Their voices may be echoed in the internal dialogue you have in your head, but that doesn’t mean it’s them.
Your parents were susceptible to the same forces – prenatal, perinatal, and postnatal – that you were exposed to. They didn’t choose their parents and you and I didn’t either.
The 27-year-old is an enthusiastic and unreserved homer, who spent the slog that was the 2013 season serving as the Blue Jays’ professional cheerleader inside the MLB Fan Cave.
As a kid she and her Dad would go on baseball road trips from their home in Campbellton, NB, and nothing would make eight-year-old April happier than stuffing her face with cotton candy while wailing her arms in the air as the wave rolled through her section.
But now even she has had enough. The wave, Whitzman says, has jumped the shark.
Oh, I would love to hear your reasoning for why this fun pass time has, “jumped the shark.”
Anti-wave activists can list a litany of reasons why the practice should be banned. It’s a sign of amateurishness and bad fandom; it’s annoying for the people who want to watch the game and it may even distract the players. Whitzman won’t name names, but she said that during her time in the MLB Fan Cave a handful of pros told her they couldn’t stand it.
But the biggest beef is that those conducting the wave tend to choose a pivotal moment in the game to steal the spotlight. “Timing is everything,” Whitzman says.
Anti-wave activists. Also known as party-poopers.
Lets look at their righteous reasons:
sign of amateurishness
Amateurishness – “a lack of the level of skill associated with an expert or professional”
First of all, nobody uses that word. Secondly, since when was going to a baseball or football game (or any sporting event for that matter) a skill one can be an expert of professional in?
Chill out. It’s just a game.
Being a fan is being part of a subculture. The fans you share a common team with and have companionship with makes being at the games even more fun. But hey, guess what, the people who do the wave are part of a subculture too.
And just like you can have a rival team, you can have rival sub cultures. The thing is, the other ‘team’ isn’t trying to get the other one silenced.
it’s annoying for the people who want to watch the game
Making a stink about people standing up and waving their arms and having a good time is no excuse to try and get it banned from stadiums.
If you’re there to just watch the game, how about, oh I don’t know, stay home and watch it!
Or, here’s a crazy idea, ignore them.
Feeling like you’re part of the game is way more fun. Try it out some time.
It’s like these people leave their special snowflake castles (their homes) then go out in the pubic and complain that their personal space isn’t as cozy.
Well hey guess what, life isn’t cozy. You get what you get and you don’t get upset.
it may even distract the players
If fans in the seats doing the wave distracts professional athletes during a game, then those professional athletes are no longer professional. Their skill set better be good enough to be able to play with distractions like that.
Have you ever been to a European football (soccer) match? There is no way a hastag like #KillTheWave would start.
Imagine if you were to complain to a Scot that he cannot say, “Ole ole ole ole!”
It would be pande-fucking-monium. Just be glad it’s not like that here in your precious fooseball game.
Also, when at a baseball game, I love when someone stands up and chirps the pitcher. It’s all part of the game.
But the biggest beef is that those conducting the wave tend to choose a pivotal moment in the game
THAT IS WHAT THE WAVE IS FOR!
To get up, get pumped up, and rally the troops to make a come back, or stay ahead.
Whitzman doesn’t want to be a killjoy. She says if there is a young kid in her row she’ll make an effort. But we aren’t teaching our children right if we encourage them to participate in the wave during an important part of the game, she says
So you’re recognizing you’re being a butt hurt buzzkill, but please, will someone think of the children!
Josh Murray, 33, leads a silent protest every time the wave rolls through his section at the Rogers Centre. He stays glued to his seat and hopes others follow suit. But he has had little success convincing others.
Josh, when was the last time you got laid? That long huh. Wow.
“I would be happy to never see The Wave again,” he said. “But short of public shaming the people who are doing it, I’m not sure what to do.”
You could take your limp wrist and try slapping those waving mother fuckers. But, then again, you’ve probably never been in a fight have you Josh. That’s why you shamming people is all you know.
Until then, she’ll continue to fight the good fight (EDIT: and Joshy boy will be right there with her, holding her purse).
The good fight, wow. You guys must have nothing important to spend your time with other then looking for things to complain about.
This isn’t a new phenomenon, it’s been around for a few years. But this is the first time I’ve heard about people trying to #KillTheWave.
I’ll be sure to post this to the hashtag for all those killjoys to see.
I did a little more hunting around and found that the common theme of these Anti-fun activists is: It’s Annoying
There’s that ‘muh feelz’ meme again. I’m starting to think The D Live Culture Series will have a never ending supply of things to write about.
Sometimes we say words without realizing the impact they may have on others. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Take time to educate yourself about language and histories of oppression.
Uh, no. But I will take time to have some fun with LGBTQIA-BCDEFGHIJK Resource Center’s list of, “Words That Hurt and Why.“
Here we go.
Bitch(In Any Language)
Targets and dehumanizes women, even if used toward men, including queer and gay men. Devalues women and femininity. Reinforces sexism.
In any language? Bitch please. I’ve heard more women say that than men. And I bet more gay men say that then straight women!
Stresses the speaker’s heterosexuality, masculinity, and/or other traits to avoid being perceived as LGBTQIA. Goes to great lengths to avoid association with anything queer. Reinforces that to be LGBTQIA is bad.
How else is my buddy going to know I don’t want to fuck him when I say, “Dude you smell great.”?
Whore/Ho and Slut
Dismisses anyone seen as being “too” sexual, particularly sex workers, women, LGBTQI people and people of color. Perpetuates negativity toward sex itself. Regulates who is allowed to have it.
A sex worker being “too” sexual, who thinks that? Nobody.
Negative towards sex? Everybody likes a good ol slut. Just don’t want to marry one.
You’re creating enemies out of thin air again. Who is this boogeyman (excuse me, boogey-person) that is regulating sex?
As far as I can tell, sex in this day in age is the most unregulated it has ever been. At least since the time of that Greek town where they fucked each other all day. The Sodomites or something. I believe that’s where the word, “sodomy” came from (or came on heh)
These words, just like “bitch” are used by women to keep other women ‘in check’ so to speak. It’s their way of shaming each other.
ex. “You whore, get away from my man!” or “Oh my god Cindy you’re such a slut! How big was his cock? Tee-hee”
Where guys fight and physically challenge each other, women use language and psychological warfare on each other. It’s quite the sight to see if you ever catch it.
Who do you see yourself ending up with?
This is another way of implying one has to “end up” gay or straight and ignores bisexuality as an identity versus a relationship status. It also assumes everyone desires to be in a long-term monogamous relationship.
Are you, fucking, kidding me. How anyone can come to this conclusion after someone has asked them, “Who do you see yourself ending up with?” is beyond fuckery.
Who’s implying? Who’s assuming?
The person who wrote this, and the organization they’re a part of sure are good at assuming things. They should get out of the Language Police business and get into Sales and Marketing. They’re so good at reading people and understanding how and what people think they could make a fortune!
That person doesn’t really look like a woman/man.
What does it mean to look like a man or woman? There are no set criteria. It also should not be assumed that all Trans Men strive to fit within dominant ideas of masculinity or all Trans Women strive to fit within dominant ideas of femininity, or that all Trans* people want to look like men or women. Gender presentation is fluid and distinct from gender identity, and all forms of gender expression deserve affirmation.
Does your head hurt yet? Mine is getting there.
Trans men still look like women. Trans women still look like dudes. You can just tell. It’s nature.
What the hell is Gender presentation? And it’s different then gender identity? No, not all forms of your silly gender expression deserve our affirmation.
Oh and gender expression? How about I express all over your face! No homo.
The way that people talk will change with the times. I get that. But forming committees and organizations that push for legislation that restricts my language?
This is how people talk. How much fun would life be if there were no dirty words or things you couldn’t say?
She likes me, but thinks I have to change. How the fuck doesn’t she see that, if I change she won’t like me anymore!
And also, why not change yourself if you think you want more? Why do I have to do anything?
Here was my response:
I don’t care anymore if a woman gives me an ultimatum.
What exactly am I losing? Pussy? Okay. There’s an app for that.
This sort of thing has happened to me in every relationship I’ve been in. I ‘make changes’ and the woman I’m with stops liking me.
Now I’m not blaming them for that. It was me who changed. But it sure is revealing to me how women can say conflicting things like this.
I know a bunch of you just went, “Ya no shit D. Women have been saying conflicting shit like this for centuries” and to that I say, you’re right.
But I’m the type of guy who needs to see and be a part of this RP stuff. I cannot just read about it and accept that it’s true. An RP lens on life is tough but necessary.
I tried my hardest to not come off as boyfriend material. She made several efforts to go on trips with me, eg. camping, road trip, and overnight in a hotel. All are fun things. But I didn’t want to be doing that in the middle of the semester. So I cancelled.
My reason was I was busy with school. Yes, it’s shitty when someone cancels plans with you, but hey, that’s life.
While I was trying to keep up to date with The Great Internet Outage of 2016, I hopped on facebook and got a hold of my resident military correspondent, my old buddy Dan (I first wrote about him here).
Dan is a Canadian, hunter, fisherman, Conservative, and a veteran (2 tours in Afghanistan).
We got to talking about “The Hack Heard ‘Round The World” when nuclear war came up.
Here is part of our talk from facebook DM (coming in about half way into the conversation):
We are one deadly mistake away…and one angry response to that mistake away..from nuclear war.
And what I mean by that. Is. When US and Russia start fighting. It means you have like 2 weeks before nukes come out. That’s how fast that war woukd last
And that’s when 1 wide will know they’ve lost. And will launch
Then. Since its NEVER been practiced and rehearsed. No one knows what will happen. Everyone has counter missiles.
So. For all we know. Every nuke could be destroyed by counter measures haha
I have no idea what I would do if that happened. I’m fucked. At least you’re military trained.
I’m gonna step away from the computer for an hour or so and go to gym. I’ll come back and see if there are any updates to this crazy thing.
Lol. You might survive. I’ll tell ya what to do
Survive the initial blasts. Then stay in basement for 10 days
Then. Wear lots of clothes and layers cover as much skin as possible. Then drive away. Anywhere
That seems doable
What else would you do?
After 10 days nuclear radiation ain’t so bad. Unless you’re ground 0
Get as low as you can. Radiation isn’t like air. It doesn’t move. It’s like snow
And then where the snow lands. That where radiation is. And it’s like having a battery in it. Soon as it lands it has full charge. Snd the radius is bigger. Over time it shrinks
And. Material. Even rubber clothes has a block factor. Like sunscreen
Then when you come outside. Direct contact with nuclear ash. Will be bad. But..other then that you fine lol. Wash everything boiled water.
Lol. Hope that helps
Pretty much. After that dude. Go north Later
I’ll be sure to post all that on fb when USA and Russia start fighting lol
Surviving the Apocalypse 101 hha
Okay Im gona head out. Ill talk to you later!
How To Survive A Nuclear Strike
When US and Russia start fighting you have about 2 weeks before the nukes come out
Survive the initial blasts
Stay in the basement for 10 days, get as low as you can
Emerge from underground
Wear lots of clothes and layers, cover as much skin as possible, like rubber clothes
Then drive away if you can – anywhere, preferably North
Wash things in boiled water
How would you survive a nuclear blast?
Got any tips?
You better hurry, 2016 is coming to an end…maybe along with everything else.