What Should You Do When An Ex Girlfriend Contacts You? 2nd Edition

The Text

There I was, sitting at a table by myself, while on a break during my co-op placement. Enjoying some blueberries and checking my phone (and checking out potential attractive workplace-hotties walking in and out of the staff room).

I look down at my phone and see a text notification. Well, well, what do we have here. The classic, “Hey…

Women like to dip in and out of your life (examples here, here, and here ). At least the women you had somewhat of an impact on. Or the ones that are bored. Or horny. Or for really any reason (hopefully the horny one).

It can seem arbitrary when they do send you the, “Hey…” text, but believe me, there’s a method to their madness. They’re bound by their cyclical nature and crafty style.

I shared the text I got on Twitter and asked what people thought about it. Here are some responses:

dcllive text thread.jpg

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 The Decision

I suppose as long as you’re not butthurt or worried about how you’ll act or feel around your ex, then there’s no harm in catching up. I think.

I hadn’t spoken to her since we had after-breakup-sex. That was October of last year.

Before that I hadn’t seen her since I dropped her shit off, that was a few months even further back, summer time I think.

Let’s have some fun breaking down some of this text, because that’s always fun.

Hey D, long time no talk.

Well ya. Did you expect me to contact you after we broke up? The answer is yes, yes she did.

Was thinking about you lately, this time last year I was at (EDIT: my old apartment) a lot haha.

Remember earlier I said women are cyclical? Well this time of year reminds her of me. She got to thinking how awesome I was (am) and just had to get a hold of me.

Anyway, I was also thinking about how we left off, and how I saw you a couple of months ago and just never txted you after you left.

I thought that’s what exes do – have sex a couple times after breaking up and then ghost each other. Say good-bye to romance and enjoy the decline.

I feel weird about that.

I’m actually curious as to why she feels weird about that. But more importantly, who cares.

Hope all is well, just wanted to say hi

Just wanted to say hi, eh. Somehow I doubt that.


That text could’ve been worse. She could’ve said mean things in it. But it was actually quite cordial and civil.

“So D, what did you end up doing?” you may ask. Well, I did exactly what any recovering beta would do – meet up with the ex and try to get laid.

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We met at a pub. Chatted a bit. Went home to my place and had sloppy drunk sex.

Here are some reactions from people when I told them I was going to meet up with the ex:

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What Should You Do When An Ex Girlfriend Contacts You?

There are a couple schools of thought on this…

  • If you aren’t butthurt about replying, go ahead. Use minimal effort though.
  • Set up a meet and greet ASAP. Don’t, “talk about things”. The most likely reason she is contacting you is to get some dick. Oblige her if you want (especially if you are on a dry streak).
  • For the love of all that is sacred and holy – WEAR A CONDOM!


  • Let her know your terms for getting back together (I highly do not recommenced this, sex is fine sure, but any other type of commitment, no thanks don’t do it!)


  • The longer you go without finding a new broad the higher the risk of beta behaviours and regression.
  • Ignore her and carry on with your life (probably the best option, although I’m still trying to practice what I preach, sometimes I just need to get laid ya know?).

What do you think, what you you do?



How many times throughout your life have you had a woman say something like, “For this to work I need some things to change.”

No doubt if you’ve thrown yourself to the wolves put yourself out there, tried and failed with women, then you’ve heard versions of the line above.

Not too long ago, I was given an ultimatum.

Exhibit A:

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Here we go. Lets break this down some.

I always ask if you want to come over. I see you once a week, if I’m lucky.

I don’t mind this formula. Works for me.

…and at the beginning it was fine but now I’m starting to really like you and I want more.

You really like me. Have you ever considered that you like me, because you only see me once a week, because I’m not always available, and because you’re lucky (heh)?

More eh. What do you suppose “more” means fellas? More means time. More of me.

Women control sex. Men control commitment (make sure the first commitment is yourself).

I know you’re busy and everything with school and work, but like even just coming over every now and then and spending the night before school.

Yes I am busy. Again, that’s why you like me!

Idk I’m rambling I know I’m sorry I’m just upset and I want this to work but for it to work I need some things to change

And there it is guys. The beautiful cognitive dissidence.

(hey I’m guilty of that too sometimes)

Or perhaps she was on her period?

Regardless of the reason, it’s still nutter.

She likes me, but thinks I have to change. How the fuck doesn’t she see that, if I change she won’t like me anymore!

And also, why not change yourself if you think you want more? Why do I have to do anything?

Here was my response:

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I don’t care anymore if a woman gives me an ultimatum.

What exactly am I losing? Pussy? Okay. There’s an app for that.

This sort of thing has happened to me in every relationship I’ve been in. I ‘make changes’ and the woman I’m with stops liking me.

Now I’m not blaming them for that. It was me who changed. But it sure is revealing to me how women can say conflicting things like this.

I know a bunch of you just went, “Ya no shit D. Women have been saying conflicting shit like this for centuries” and to that I say, you’re right.

But I’m the type of guy who needs to see and be a part of this RP stuff. I cannot just read about it and accept that it’s true. An RP lens on life is tough but necessary.

I tried my hardest to not come off as boyfriend material. She made several efforts to go on trips with me, eg. camping, road trip, and overnight in a hotel. All are fun things. But I didn’t want to be doing that in the middle of the semester. So I cancelled.

My reason was I was busy with school. Yes, it’s shitty when someone cancels plans with you, but hey, that’s life.

We would have great sex. She called me daddy. But there was no way in hell this broad was more than a sex friend. This is probably why.

She’s 21 and parties a lot. I cannot keep up with that. I’m okay with that.

I guess that’s the last time I’ll hear from….

..wait a minute, what’s that?

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About four weeks later I get a, “Hey.”

No Contact Game is real.

I’ve been busy so, we’ll see if we hook up again. Only time will tell.

What did you guys think of my response?

What would you have said?

Have you guys ever had this happen to you as well?

Lets us know and spread the word in the comments below.

Further Reading:
  1. The Talk
  2. The Gatekeepers
  3. The Paradox of Commitment
  4. Ultimatum (I swear I didn’t know Rollo had a post titled that before posting mine ha)

Small World

A young woman (22 yo) I went on a date with a few months ago is working with me for a week at my new job. I knew I recognized her. Small world.

We went on a date at the pub. The date was fun, but I didn’t see us going on more than a date or two (met her during my yearly “dating blitz” so I had other more potential prospects).

Today as I was getting some things together in the office I was telling one of my other coworkers that I recognized her. My coworker said, “Do you know her from the same friend group or maybe from school?” Nope. I knew it was a date.

My temperament wouldn’t of permitted me to go the full week without bringing it up to the girl I went on a date with. I had to ask her right away, “I recognize you. Did we go on a date a few moths ago?” She responds, “I’m not sure, maybe?”

She seemed a bit nervous. Her face went red. I didn’t pester her. I knew I was right.

An hour goes by and I check my phone, “Lets test this one out…. Haha”

 dcllive date work

Confirmed. It is her. She remembered where we went on the date. We had a good laugh about it.

As you can see the last message was on May 29th. As usual I was being cheeky and was trying to get her over for a movie. But she was being insanely flakey so we never had that movie date.

There is about half a million people in my city. Never thought I’d run into her. As long as I’m not weird about it, this week should finish off smooth.

This has been a fun and intersting summer so far. How about you, how’s your summer going, any funny situations happen to you?

(I’m doing Lucky’s 7 Day Challenge. Try to write a post everyday for 7 days. Any of you bloggers out there are more than welcome to join us!)

How Not To Message A Woman

At the moment I’m seeing two woman. The twenty-two year old I’ve slept with about seven times.

The twenty-eight year old I’ve slept with once. Last night we didn’t have sex, I wish we had, but I can’t force that shit, has to be real, not negotiated. However, I’ve decided to fade her out. Perhaps this is why.

I don’t know about you but post-coitus talk for me is a hit or miss. It can be great if I shut up and not talk too much.

It can be a death-trap though if I become a blabber mouth.

I’ve noticed the more I talk the higher the chance it is that I say something stupid/weird (or at least I think it’s funny).

If I keep my cool and not say too much, this is usually another time when I’m with someone that I try to learn new things about them.

Naturally, for me anyway, the conversation almost always ends up at sexual topics and relationships.

A few days ago I was laying in bed with the twenty-two year old. I was filled with that after sex glow and rush of chemicals, so, I had a few stupid questions I wanted to ask.  I thought, ‘this is a great time to do some science, collect some census data‘ and asked her about what kinds of messages she gets from guys from online dating.

I was shocked, to say the least. She was surprised at how much I wanted her to send me screenshots of them. I told her, “No one is going to believe me. I have to show my friends!”

I just didn’t want to believe how awful they were. I know Kyle has made this observation in his book before but I really had no idea until I saw the evidence myself.

The following messages are examples, for men, of How NOT to Message a Woman:

Big Deal

okc big deal

“endless cauldron of energy”

Unless you’re talking about your sex skills, which probably still isn’t a good idea in the first message you send, I would refrain from ever saying those words. Pretty awesome he said that though.

“I’m interested in the more with you, specifically.”

No. You’re not, specifically.

“I need to chit-chat and talk more”

I had an unemployed twenty-seven year old woman say something similar to me. This guys’ picture looked tough-as-fuck. He couldn’t of been more incongruent with his profile and messaging.

Mouse Perv

okc mouse perv

“cute like a little mouse”

I used to use the word ‘cute’ in my opening messages for online dating. Now, I will never do that again.

“it’s not sexual”

Again, yes it is. Did I miss something? Isn’t online dating for hooking up?

The fact that you’re even online and that you messaged her says, yes, you are insinuating. I don’t mind the ‘perv’, kind of funny actually. But for those of you who think being cute online works, YOU ARE WRONG. Be sexual. Don’t make excuses for being a man who is online looking for pussy. You just have to find ways of saying that without actually saying that.


okc paleo

Not much to say about this one. It’s short and a blatant pickup line. I think it’s kind of funny but canned openers aren’t something I recommend.

There’s this younger guy I know, a friend of a friend, who looks like a slightly uglier version of the guy who plays the most recent Thor. He loves Tinder. A good buddy of mine told me that Thor loves using canned openers and that they seem to work for him. More often than not. Which makes sense because he’s a muscular guy with long blond hair. I think canned openers work best for hotter people. Just an observation.


okc SAT

Another canned opener. This one sucks. Saying you will ‘do her’ is funny but I wouldn’t do that.

“Wow, I hope I don’t ruin this”

I would stay away from anything that comes close to or sounds like you’re ‘putting the women on a pedestal’. Online dating and hookup apps are created for that purpose. Do you have any idea how many messages are waiting in the inbox for even a remotely attractive woman? Let’s just say you and I will never experience that number. Understand your playing field.

Blood Thirsty Mongol Horde

okc Mongul horde

okc Mongul horde 2


Let’s just soak that one in and then read it again.

This was one of the catalysts for this post. It was the first one I saw and read.

To be completely honest, I was a bit surprised she didn’t message him back. If I was the girl I would of messaged back just out of curiosity.

“msg me, we’ll have adventures”

Did anyone else get wet?

Even though I wouldn’t suggest you create such elaborate fan-fiction/fantasy works of poetry, if this gets a girl talking, go for it. It just seems like a bit much.

How should I message a woman?

I’ve only been doing online dating for a few months. I’ve had some success.

I’ve learned that your openers don’t have to be so canned and witty or creative.

I’m no expert but this is what I send the first time I message a woman. It’s a combination of what I came up with and from Kyle’s book:

(username) I like your profile! Cute pics too.

Also (or) By the way, good call on the (something you like from their profile, other then her tits). I’m glad I’m not the only one who (the thing that you liked from her profile).

That’s it. It’s just to get them talking. If I can do that then I’ve got a good chance at getting the number. It’s not like I’m on it all the time and it’s all relative to the amount of effort I put in. But you must put some effort in if you want to get some pussy.

Anything more and I’ve felt like I was chasing or trying too hard, and that’s not a good place to start from. I also don’t like chatting for too long and want to get the number as soon as I can.

The texting and messaging becomes easier the more you do it and much easier after you’ve slept with her.

Whether it’s by cell phone, tablet, phablet, email or fucking morse code, do not message women like the guys above did.

So keep this in mind and remember, be happy that you and I have resources to learn from and are able to share our experiences with others.

Have you guys ever seen messages like these ones?

Have you ever sent ones like these? I sure have. Not anymore though, thank goodness.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.