College Again

Three semesters down. One more to go.

Has it really been almost a year and a half since I started this quest of going back to school?

Damn. Time flies when you’re studying and drinking.

Only this time around, I’m a bit older and a bit wiser, so I’m not drinking AS MUCH as I did when I first went to college about seven years ago. I had way too much fun back then. That’s actually one of the reasons why I went back.

Other then the student debt, I’m glad I went back. The field of study I’m in has a high hiring rate after graduation, one of the highest in the school.

There is also a lot of opportunities for self-employment in this field as well. Something I’m considering doing once I graduate, to help pay the loan bills.

I have to admit, it feels sort of strange to have, dare is say a, “Vision” of what I want to do after graduation. I usually just kind of go with the flow and see what happens. But having an idea of what I want to do in nine months is another good change.

Pass or Fail

So, how exactly did I do? What where my grades like? How about I show you:

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Not bad, eh? Considering I never got any certificates or diplomas from college all those years ago. I barely went to class. And when I did, I was usually a few beers deep or stoned out of my mind, or both.

Oh well, you live and learn. And this year I certainly learned, a lot.

Here’s to the beginning of a fun and productive summer!

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Anger and Fishing

My back was turned for about 1min. I was already untangling someone else’s line. Kids eh. Untangling fishing line is not that fun.

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It may not look bad but it was bullshit to untangle.

As soon as I would get one fishing pole line untangled I had to do another. I could feel the emotion starting to bubble up: Anger.

I’m not sure how they did it but two others got their fishing pole stuck in a tree. I got the poles down, and this was the result:

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How?

“How did you do this buddy?” I said to the little guy.
“Not sure. Was just trying to cast. I’ve never done this before.” he replied.

I then took a deep breath. And started to become mindful of a few things:

  • How my body was feeling – hydrated, not hungry
  • How hot it was – 43 degrees
  • Where we were – fishing at the side of a river
  • Who I was with – friends and kids

What happend as a result of me becoming mindful of my anger? I relaized I shouldn’t be complaining about fishing outside in the sun during the summer. I’m lucky to be doing this.

I could of made some terrible life choices and given a shitty life deal and not been able to go fishing. I could of been getting in a shootout with cops (#Strathroy).

This mindfulness process was about 20 seconds long. Anyone can do this. Of course I didn’t invent this. I’m here telling you that it works. Try it yourself the next time your’re feeling that anger bubble up.

Ultimately these are some thoughts about graditude and controlling your anger in the moment.

Has anyone else been fishing this summer?


(I missed 1 day out of Lucky’s 7 Day Challenge. That’s okay. I’m going to write 2 tonight. Any of you bloggers out there are more than welcome to join us in our writing challenge!)

Being Hard On Yourself

After school ended in April I needed a job. Money ran out. A month went by and I hadn’t found a job yet.

On the May 2/4 weekend I was chatting with my Father. I was a bit stressed about not working, school debt, and my future (typical).

He noticed my behaviour and stopped me,

D, you’re too hard on yourself. For the last month you’ve been looking for a job. Putting resumes out and making calls. That’s better than losers out there not doing anything. Give yourself a break. Geez.

Coming from him that made me feel a whole lot better. I look up to my Father and don’t want to disappoint him. Has always been that way. I think I’m hard on myself because I want to impress him and show him I’m not a loser.

He knows I’m not. He’s proud of me and the effort I’ve made in the last 3 years (and at other times throughout my life).

We’ve got to remember to take stock in what we’ve accomplished. It could be as simple as getting the days errands completed (I love doing that), something a little more challenging like getting a job interview, or changing it up like moving into an apartment of your own (which I will being doing before the end of this year).

What have I accomplished?

  • Working 3 jobs (got a new summer job, they’re definitely going to ask me to stay on in the fall)
  • Went back to school, staring my second semester this September
  • Casually dating a (I hope she thinks the same, I may have been a bit uncalibrated) 21 year old, she calls me daddy (during sex)
  • Have been taking only cold showers for a few weeks now

Other than school, this all happened in the last 3 months. I really should give myself more credit.

We’ve got to stop putting too much pressure on ourselves. Staying motivated and disciplined is a good thing but to be constantly comparing yourself to fitness and self-improvement gurus isn’t. I know, I’ve done that.

Stop being too hard on yourself.

Come on, I know you’ve done something productive lately. Comment below and share with us what it is.

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(I’m doing Lucky’s 7 Day Challenge. Try to write a post everyday for 7 days. Any of you bloggers out there are more than welcome to join us!)

Young Men Should Work At A Pub

Working at a pub has taught me a lot about life, women, and myself.

Here are some of my observations and lessons, as a cook, from working at a pub:

You get to practice Game on servers and hostesses.

The pub I work at is close to a high school, a university, and a college, or what I like to call, “server/hostess farms.”

Young women from the ages of 16-24 are funnelled through the hiring process. The prettist ones usually get hired – regardless of how much experience they have.

I’ve had lots of crushes, some lays, and one girlfriend. If you practice your Game on the servers and hostesses you will most likely end up with some poon.

Feel free to say (pretty much) whatever you want.

Other than blatant, unwanted, awful, attention or grabbing, the females play along. They understand the back-and-forth banter.

If anyone was actually out of line or engaging in abuse, of course they would lose their job and have a possible criminal charge against them.

Women that work in restaurants/cafes/diners/pubs/etc. know the deal – they play along. They laugh at the older guys’ stupid jokes, giggle at the borderline sexual harassment, and deal with peoples’ bullshit behaviour and attitude.  Wouldn’t you want a bigger tip (more money)?

That’s part of the gig. These women aren’t stupid. They know what’s up. That’s the way it is.

Of course I’m not saying they’re giving up their morals because some old guy said they look pretty.

OF COURSE you will be protected from actual abuse. There are policies, procedures, and action plans that are available and put in place if real abuse occurs.

Real restaurants and pubs are NOTHING close to an SJW safe space. You’ll be okay.

Hard work is rewarded.

“If you can’t stand the fire, get out of the heat.”

One guy I use to work with (also an old roommate) tried a shift at the pub in the kitchen. He complained about the heat, developed a “rash” (I never saw it), and never came back to work. He’s kind of a wanker.

Another time this fresh, new, right out of the college culinary program guy decided it was a good idea to take his shoes off and run them through the dish washer during a rush. A manager came back, saw it, and reamed him out in front of everyone. He was never seen or heard from again.

Finally (but there are more stories – feel free to ask) we use to have this kitchen manager that would get drunk as a skunk while cooking. After some detective work by us cooks, we found out that he was drinking “water” out of this water-bottle. Turns out it was vodka. He was also never heard from again.

If you work hard you will be rewarded with small praises, more money, and employment.

Small praises like, “Table 10 loved their steak” or “You guys killed it tonight, good job.” More money because you put in longer/more hours, which means the higher your tip-out will be ($$$). And unlike people that we call “skin waggons” (because all they’re good at is carrying skin around), if you put in the effort and work hard you will still have a job when you wake up the next morning.

Lets recap some of my observations from working in a pub:

  • You get to practice Game all the time – your learning curve will skyrocket
  • It’s shitlord friendly – SJWs need not apply
  • Hard work is rewarded – you don’t need praise, but the extra money is always good

Young men should work in a pub to get some cool life experiences and also learn some basic cooking skills along the way.

Have you ever worked in a pub or restaurant?

Share your story with us!


(I’m doing Lucky’s 7 Day Challenge. Try to write a post everyday for 7 days. Any of you bloggers out there are more than welcome to join us!)

Something I’ve Been Wanting To Ask My Father But Don’t Know How To

If These Walls Could Talk, I Would Try To Ignore Them

When my dad was a teenager, he came home one day to find his father hanging from his neck. His father, my grandfather, killed himself. I never knew my grandfather.

How do I know this happened?

I grew up in a house with a basement, a middle floor and an upstairs.

When my parents would argue – which was quite often – they sometimes made their way downstairs to vent to each other. I’m guessing they didn’t want to do it too much in front of my brother and I. But that did happen sometimes.

Whatever, stuff like that happens all the time all around the planet. It’s not like there was any physical abuse, which is ten times worse than some yelling.

A Lingering Memory

One day while I was playing with toys (6inch GI Joes of course) in the upstairs hallway, I could here some loud voices coming from the basement. Although I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

As the voices got louder I figured out what was going on. Mom and Dad were fighting. Here we go again, I’m sure I thought.

I don’t know about any of you, but, when my brother and I were younger we used to get worried about whether our parents were fighting about us or about some other thing. It was almost always about some other things that had nothing to do with either my brother or I.

But, just to make sure, we had a way of finding out without being in the room or getting caught up in the yelling matches.

The upstairs bathroom was equipped with a laundry chute that opened up underneath the sink. It made its way through the middle floor of the house down to the laundry room in the basement.

Sometimes my brother and I would go into the bathroom, open up the laundry chute door and listen to them arguing.

On this particular day, the laundry room door was open. Lucky me. I could hear everything.

Say What?

(Dad’s Name) just because your dad killed himself around Christmas time doesn’t mean you can act like this around this time each year!”

It wasn’t so much that these words came from my mothers mouth. For the purpose of this post forget for a minute what you know about hypergamy, solipsism the FI and all that fun stuff. This isn’t about her. I love my mom. She is a woman.

What I remember first thinking was, “How did I not know about this?” and “How the fuck would you handle that?”

The Selfish Gene

After years of on-again off-again pondering of this moment, I’m really just left with some thoughts and some questions to ask myself, and maybe my dad.

Who am I to think that I deserve to know this information?”

That is my father’s private memory. A situation from his life that he had to deal with. Not mine.

How did he deal with this?”

I’ve often tried to put myself in that situation – opening a door to a room to find my father’s dead hanging body.

I almost immediately feel fear, guilt, shame and it’s as if I’ve lost everything.

Did him (and his 3 brothers and 2 sisters, my dad being the oldest) see a psychiatrist when they were young? If so until when?

He must of had some psychiatry work done on him in his youth, right? Although I can only speculate.

My father was a youth counselor for a lot of his career. He’s good at dealing with troubled youth. Could this have been a catalyst for him becoming a counselor?

Goddamnit, I was/am such a spoiled little prick. My dad didn’t/doesn’t deserve most of the verbal barrage from my youth/now.”

As I’ve mentioned before: It’s long past the time for me to be angry at my father.

Close Call

My old man is exactly that – an old man. He’s 70 years old. He had a heart attack about 4 or 5 years ago.

I was standing outside on the balcony of my downtown sublet apartment when I got the phone call.

Dad had a heart attack.” My older brother said.

My chest sunk. Tears started to form. “Is my dad going to die?”
I thought.

He pulled through. He was air lifted by helicopter to a hospital for coronary specialists. That was the closest I’ve come to knowing what it’s like what my dad went through. Still not even close.

One Day

My father has a hell of a sense of humour. I get mine from him. He’s told me some great stories about funny stuff he did in his youth.

But when it comes to his family, he doesn’t talk much about his past. Hell, I didn’t even know one of his sisters existed until 3 years ago.

I respect that of him. Like I said, it’s his past, his history and his private memories and they all belong to him.

I want to ask him so badly – What was it like losing your father the way you did?

All that is left for me to do is to just ask him. I’m at an age where I think I’m comfortable enough to ask him. We’ll see.

Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me that you did.

Now, I put it to you – Do you have lingering questions and things to ask your parents, but were too afraid to?

Fathers

(From left to right – my dad, his old friend (who is no longer with us) and my older brother. I’m behind the camera. Killarney National Park, Ontario, Canada, 2006)

People may have a different relationship with their father then I do with mine, or, it may actually be quite similar. The comments below can give you a glimpse into my relationship with my father. This can too. I believe it’s important for young men to take time to reflect on the personal relationships they have with others.

Just so you are not confused with the flow of the comment exchange (hope it makes sense), I’ll explain that I was answering a question from Yusef. I then quoted myself from another comment I made on a D&P post, shared it, then went back talking to Yusef. A quoted comment within a comment. They are from an old post of mine.

YusefWateefsays:
April 25, 2015 at 9:51 pm Edit

dcllcdsays:
April 27, 2015 at 1:20 pm Edit

Stop Saying “Can I get a…?”

Unless you’re about to say, “…hit?” while singing along with B-Real during the Cypress Hill track “Hits From the Bong” (1min9sec) then there is no reason to say “Can I get a…?”, ever.

As men if we want something we should not hesitate to find ways to get it

However when asking someone for something like that you are putting yourself in a situation with a higher chance of that person saying “No” to you. And that’s no fun.

So instead of asking for things, be direct, and tell them what you want.

Statements make educated guesses and are far more engaging

Non-verbal communication, from yourself and others, is important to be aware of. How you think and feel about yourself and your surroundings can manifest itself in your body language and tell the world a bit about you.

But you can’t just go around like a mime interacting with people with no words. There must be a balance.

Because I’ve been making an effort to be mindful about what I say to people, wherever I am, I’ve also noticed some interesting things that people say without any conscious effort on their part.

They just say things without considering how they might sound to other people

I’m all for having an attitude of ‘no fucks given’ but you should still make an effort in how you conduct yourself around other people. If you’re just that prick who doesn’t care what anyone thinks, including your peers, then you may find it hard to find and keep people in your life for meaningful relationships.

A very easy way to see these ‘unconscious responses’ from people like “Can I get a…?” is while ordering something from a store.

The next time you’re in the line at the grocery store, coffee shop or drive through listen to how other people ask for things that they clearly don’t need to be asking for.

Think about how most of the these situations play out: Say you were the cashier at a coffee shop and someone ordered a coffee and they said, “Can I get a coffee?” You would probably respond with, “Yes.” And the person who ordered it is expecting you to say “Yes”. Why? Because you’re in a coffee shop!

So if they were expecting you to say “Yes” then why did you have to ask in the first place?

I think this ‘unconscious response’ of “Can I get a…?” is a manifestation of social anxiety that stems from most people afraid of coming across as rude, starting trouble, crossing boundaries or interfering with other peoples’ lives.

To help curb this strange behavior, instead of asking, say things like:

  • “I want a…”
  • “I’ll get a…”
  • “This, this and this.” (simply state the items you want)

It may feel a little strange using those at first but that’s just your social conditioning fighting back. Stay strong and ignore it.

Saying statements like those can help you practice becoming more direct

It may be a small and fleeting interaction, but, there will be a difference in how they perceive you, in a positive way. You’ll be seen as a man who knows what he wants.

Once you make an effort to be mindful of the things that are coming out of your mouth you should be happy knowing that you’ve made a bigger effort in developing your character then most people have. Or ever will.

Do you guys notice any other strange or unnecessary ‘unconscious responses’ people say? Let ‘er rip in the comments.