Swipe Right: Fun for the Whole Family

This is Part VIII of The D Live Culture Series


Tinder is now available on Apple TV. Why you might ask? I thought the same thing.

I’m still trying to figure that one out. In the mean time, lets have some fun with these silly people.

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(screenshot taken from my mobile)

Invite friends and family

Yes, because my friends and family don’t have anything to do with their time other then sit around while I ogle over woman I’ll never fuck.

put out the chips and dip

That’s actually a good idea. You have to remember to be a good host while sharing your Tinder experience with your loved ones. They need to keep their energy up while you arrange dates with single moms that ride horses and have a giant German Sheppard and their grandpa in their profile pic.

How else are you supposed to know she’s adventurous, is an animal lover, and loves her Papa? Ya, I couldn’t think of another way either.

We’ve combined all the joys of swiping with all the comforts of your home

Wrong! You missed one: swiping on the shitter. There’s nothing more joyous than dropping a huge deuce while reading yet another profile that says, “Not looking for hookups, I’m so over that!”

Hey, she seems like a keeper! (*plop*)

Next, here are some promotional ads that Tinder and Apple put together. And let me tell you, they sure are revealing.

 She’s Not Good Enough for My Boy!

Hey Ma! Get the hell outta here so I can find a chubby 6 and get a handjob, on your couch, cuz I’m unemployed!

Now in the comfort of your own home (or your parents) you can find, “The One” on a TV, in all its 70inch HD-4K-3D glory.

Alpha Cock

Shut up Dad! Don’t you slut shame me!

Now you and your bff can look for bad boys to, “just take you” on that gross 1970s couch.

He’ll probably never call you again.

(PS – I’d be careful on that couch, your brother was using it the other day, eww.)

Boomin’ Granny

Um Mom, I could really use a Dad, you know, since I wasn’t raised with a father figu…..okay I’ll shut up.

Even boomin’ granny can find herself some weathered Alpha cock.


There are a bunch of these videos. Check the rest of them out here.

As long as stuff like this keeps becoming the norm, I will have lots of things to write about for The D Live Culture Series. Keep ‘em coming!

The Root of All Evil: Toxic Masculinity

(This year has been an eye opener for me, and I’m sure for some of you as well. I decided to test my unplugging to see if I can pierce the veil of mainstream culture by dissecting the bullshit that is promoted by its “Soldiers of the Narrative” i.e. Celebrities (or wanna be celebs). Oh, and to also have some fun! This is Part VII of The D Live Culture Series.)


As 2016 comes to an end, lets all look back and be grateful that our friends and family made it through another difficu….wait what?

Yes I’m white that’s correct. Why yes I’m a male.

I see. So I’m excluded from the conversation because of my gender and skin colour? Oh okay. Thanks for clearing that up.

Well, while I contemplate why I should hate myself and feel guilty for the fact I didn’t choose my parents, genes, environment, and especially the melanin on my epidermis, watch this video from The Representation Project. If you don’t, you’re a bigot:

And here I thought 2016 was the Year of the Monkey. Is that racist?

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2016 Was The Year of Toxic Masculinity

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2016 WAS A TUMULTUOUS YEAR….

I’ll fucking stop you right there, “Tumultuous”? You SOB’s made me have to google search what that word means. Right off the bat I can tell you suck. Nobody needs to use words like that, unless they want to sound smart. I’m a normal dude and I’ve NEVER said that stupid word. Although, I have to keep my cool. I should expect this from these people.

Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson is filing a sexual harassment lawsuit against network Chairmen and CEO Roger Ailes. More than two dozen other women said Ailes used his status to sexually harass his employees.

Bullshit. Roger looks like that fish dude from the Phantom Menace. NO WAY broads let him touch their hoo-ya.

Meesa REFUSE to believe it!

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For the second time in two days a police killing of a black man…

“We got pulled over for a busted tail light and the pol-eece just killed my boyfriend – “fuck!””

A massacre in a gay night club, fifteen people were killed…

WHO AND WHAT IS TO BLAME FOR ALL OF THIS???!!!

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“You know what they say about men with small hands?” – Marco Rubio

Yes, in fact I do. It means their cock is tiny. Oh Mark, you’re so funny.

“Aw you gotta see this guy, “Aw I dunno what I said ughhh I don’t REMEMBER!”  -Donald J. Trump

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“We are going to kick your rear-ends out of the White House!” – Chris Christie

Oh dear! He said “rear-ends”! What a horrible, disgusting person!

*Cue fainting-couch lady

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“Get out of here! GET OUT!”

“You are a loser.”

“I would like to punch him in the face.”

“LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!” – Donald J. Trump

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“And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything…Grab them by the pussy.” – Donald. J Trump

I know it may be hard for some people to realise, but it was a different time back then. People courted each other differently.

When a man was interested in a lady he would saunter up to the gal and firmly, but gracefully, extend his arm and hand and then clasp her clam.

And if the woman was enticed by his grasping of her snatch, she would reciprocate by coiling her finger back into a nice closed-package and flick his prick with jarring force, and then skip into the bush expecting him to follow.

It’s was the dance-of-love for it’s time. A beautiful thing really.

“She doesn’t have the look. She doesn’t have the stamina.”

“She’s actually not strong enough to be President.” – Donald J. Trump

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“I’m much richer than almost anybody.” – Donald J. Trump

“Don’t you think a man who has this kind of economic genius is a lot better for the United States than a woman….” (they cut it off right there) – Rudy Juliani

“Every woman lied. All of these liars will be sued.”

“I am going to instruct my Attorney General to get a special prosecutor to look into your situation.” – Donald J. Trump

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“When Mexico sends its people…they’re rapists…”

“You have inner cities that are more dangerous than some war zones.”

“BUILD THAT WALL! BUILD THAT WALL!” – Donald J. Trump

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Nearly 900 incidents of hate were reported in the ten days following the election.

A throwback to the days of segregation.

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Of course, we’re now back in the sixties. Because these couldn’t possibly be hoaxes. These days it’s nothing like it was back then. Man, these losers make my head hurt!

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Wait, YOU did this?! I thought it was my fault because I had a penis. Now I’m confused.

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“Also, give us your money.”

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Phew – what a year!

A few things:

  • I would bet some of these quotes they used in the video were taken out of context. Just a hunch.
  • I’m not defending everything Trump and others said. I’m just not getting butt-hurt over it. In fact, I’m having fun with it. And you should too.

Feel free to have some fun in the comments below!

Unless you’re a white man. In that case, go fuck yourself.

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