The Princess Rules

CONTEXT – I do not expect a relationship from this young lady. The first time she dropped, “The Talk” on me, I decided to not be funny and just be honest and say (with some encouragement and help from other casanovas) – I’m not looking for anything serious right now. I’m having fun. Are you having fun?

So far so good.

A few days ago I went to this young ladys house. I’ve been seeing her for the summertime.

During some banter and back and forth teasing (and admittedly some thick asshole game or whatever), she got up and handed me a piece of paper with some writing on it.

Fellow Machiavellian Princes, for your viewing pleasure, I present to you, from a 21 year old party girls’ head (she’s half kidding, I think):

The Princess Rules

 dcllive princess rules.jpg

Lets have some fun with this, shall we?

1. Always pay attention to me

This is perfect. The first one out of the gate is spot on. A princess will always be looked at, talked to, and catered to. Basically any engagement that involves interacting with another life form.

My Machiavellian friend, sorry bud, according to the rules you ain’t getting no booty-booty without no talky-talky or texty-texty.

2. If you can’t do #1 at any given moment, please let me know

Wait a minute, ‘letting you know’ is giving you attention. Sneaky-sneaky princess. You’re not just a pretty face and inflated ego. You have a plan.

3. Make up anytime no spent not paying attention to me

There is a theme here – attention. I think the best way to woo a princess (or any lady for that matter) is to not give her the attention she so desperately craves from you. And then give it to her (wink wink).

4. Kisses must be given in threes

Perhaps an OCD? No matter to a prince. We can use it to our advatage. Just like the attention, kiss her twice, and see her fight to get that thrid kiss. Or keep the third kiss from her and think of clever ways for her to earn that thrid last kiss.

5. Snuggles are mandatory

Personally, this prince doesn’t have a big problem with snuggling/cuddling. However, it must only be cuddling, after/before sex. Let those chemicals do their work and she’ll be bonding to you nicely (pending you plowed the shit out of her properly). She’ll be calling you daddy in no time.

6. “Going Greek” must be limited to twice a month

Hands up if any of you in the audience know what, “Going Greek” means? I’ll wait….that’s correct, it means anal sex. This is up to each prince to do what they will with that info. If I drink enough mead, then perhaps, yes, I’ll consider sneaking in the back door of her castle.

7. 24 hours notice must be given if #6 is wanted

This prince isn’t too familiar with partying “Greek.” Perhaps perparing for battle is the best decision. Oh, and bring your shield (aka wear a condom).

8. Presents are not required but are nice

I agree. Presents are nice.

9. Thou shalt bring me chocolate and mydol when shark week is upon us

“shark week” means bleeding lady parts. Depending on what kind of prince you are, you’ll either bring her chocolate and drugs, or, bang her with all of your might reagardless of the scary Red Dragon between her legs. I’d rather go with chocolate for her, blow job for me. A prince is resourceful.

10. My name in your phone shall be either “Princess” or “Miss Muffin”

My fellow Machiavellian’s, if a request is made for her name to be anything other than her actually name in your phone, you can be damn sure your name in her phone is probably something silly as well.

That was fun.

Does every 21 year old young lady think this way? I don’t know. This one in particular has shown some red flags early on, so I was able to curb any “progrssion” in our time spent together. We drink and have sex once a week. Good enough for me.

She’ll drop, “The Talk” again, and I’ll say the same thing, slightly different, and then she’ll go, or not.

We’ll both start the crazy search again, me – for a princess to deflower in a tall castle tower, and her, for a prince to rule over and give up his power.


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