How Not To Message A Woman

At the moment I’m seeing two woman. The twenty-two year old I’ve slept with about seven times.

The twenty-eight year old I’ve slept with once. Last night we didn’t have sex, I wish we had, but I can’t force that shit, has to be real, not negotiated. However, I’ve decided to fade her out. Perhaps this is why.

I don’t know about you but post-coitus talk for me is a hit or miss. It can be great if I shut up and not talk too much.

It can be a death-trap though if I become a blabber mouth.

I’ve noticed the more I talk the higher the chance it is that I say something stupid/weird (or at least I think it’s funny).

If I keep my cool and not say too much, this is usually another time when I’m with someone that I try to learn new things about them.

Naturally, for me anyway, the conversation almost always ends up at sexual topics and relationships.

A few days ago I was laying in bed with the twenty-two year old. I was filled with that after sex glow and rush of chemicals, so, I had a few stupid questions I wanted to ask.  I thought, ‘this is a great time to do some science, collect some census data‘ and asked her about what kinds of messages she gets from guys from online dating.

I was shocked, to say the least. She was surprised at how much I wanted her to send me screenshots of them. I told her, “No one is going to believe me. I have to show my friends!”

I just didn’t want to believe how awful they were. I know Kyle has made this observation in his book before but I really had no idea until I saw the evidence myself.

The following messages are examples, for men, of How NOT to Message a Woman:

Big Deal

okc big deal

“endless cauldron of energy”

Unless you’re talking about your sex skills, which probably still isn’t a good idea in the first message you send, I would refrain from ever saying those words. Pretty awesome he said that though.

“I’m interested in the more with you, specifically.”

No. You’re not, specifically.

“I need to chit-chat and talk more”

I had an unemployed twenty-seven year old woman say something similar to me. This guys’ picture looked tough-as-fuck. He couldn’t of been more incongruent with his profile and messaging.

Mouse Perv

okc mouse perv

“cute like a little mouse”

I used to use the word ‘cute’ in my opening messages for online dating. Now, I will never do that again.

“it’s not sexual”

Again, yes it is. Did I miss something? Isn’t online dating for hooking up?

The fact that you’re even online and that you messaged her says, yes, you are insinuating. I don’t mind the ‘perv’, kind of funny actually. But for those of you who think being cute online works, YOU ARE WRONG. Be sexual. Don’t make excuses for being a man who is online looking for pussy. You just have to find ways of saying that without actually saying that.


okc paleo

Not much to say about this one. It’s short and a blatant pickup line. I think it’s kind of funny but canned openers aren’t something I recommend.

There’s this younger guy I know, a friend of a friend, who looks like a slightly uglier version of the guy who plays the most recent Thor. He loves Tinder. A good buddy of mine told me that Thor loves using canned openers and that they seem to work for him. More often than not. Which makes sense because he’s a muscular guy with long blond hair. I think canned openers work best for hotter people. Just an observation.


okc SAT

Another canned opener. This one sucks. Saying you will ‘do her’ is funny but I wouldn’t do that.

“Wow, I hope I don’t ruin this”

I would stay away from anything that comes close to or sounds like you’re ‘putting the women on a pedestal’. Online dating and hookup apps are created for that purpose. Do you have any idea how many messages are waiting in the inbox for even a remotely attractive woman? Let’s just say you and I will never experience that number. Understand your playing field.

Blood Thirsty Mongol Horde

okc Mongul horde

okc Mongul horde 2


Let’s just soak that one in and then read it again.

This was one of the catalysts for this post. It was the first one I saw and read.

To be completely honest, I was a bit surprised she didn’t message him back. If I was the girl I would of messaged back just out of curiosity.

“msg me, we’ll have adventures”

Did anyone else get wet?

Even though I wouldn’t suggest you create such elaborate fan-fiction/fantasy works of poetry, if this gets a girl talking, go for it. It just seems like a bit much.

How should I message a woman?

I’ve only been doing online dating for a few months. I’ve had some success.

I’ve learned that your openers don’t have to be so canned and witty or creative.

I’m no expert but this is what I send the first time I message a woman. It’s a combination of what I came up with and from Kyle’s book:

(username) I like your profile! Cute pics too.

Also (or) By the way, good call on the (something you like from their profile, other then her tits). I’m glad I’m not the only one who (the thing that you liked from her profile).

That’s it. It’s just to get them talking. If I can do that then I’ve got a good chance at getting the number. It’s not like I’m on it all the time and it’s all relative to the amount of effort I put in. But you must put some effort in if you want to get some pussy.

Anything more and I’ve felt like I was chasing or trying too hard, and that’s not a good place to start from. I also don’t like chatting for too long and want to get the number as soon as I can.

The texting and messaging becomes easier the more you do it and much easier after you’ve slept with her.

Whether it’s by cell phone, tablet, phablet, email or fucking morse code, do not message women like the guys above did.

So keep this in mind and remember, be happy that you and I have resources to learn from and are able to share our experiences with others.

Have you guys ever seen messages like these ones?

Have you ever sent ones like these? I sure have. Not anymore though, thank goodness.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.


3 thoughts on “How Not To Message A Woman”

  1. This is some good insight as both my text game and messaging game leave much to be desired. I can get the number pretty easily, but I need to turn it into a future meetup.

    Face-to-face interactions allow me to fully utilize your body language which is usually 50% of the battle to making a first date/meetup go further.

    Keep it up man.


    1. Hey armenia4ever. Thanks.

      “I can get the number pretty easily, but I need to turn it into a future meetup.”

      That is what I am working on right now. I’ve noticed that if the first interaction went well (IRL or online) then your chances of actually getting the meet up goes up a lot.

      Some basic things that I have down that is starting to make the ‘number to date’ conversion much higher:

      1. Good social skills – I can talk to anyone (I will say though that I, of course, still have some approach anxiety. I’m no same-day-lay-day-gamer)

      2. Good fundamentals – I make an effort to not look like a slob everyday (I’m not a GQ model wearing suits everyday, but I make sure that my face is shaved or at least not too stub-bled, hair is combed and that my clothes aren’t wrinkled and dirty)

      3. Outcome independence – It has grown tremendously for me in the past 5 months. There is so many women using online dating, if that’s your thing, that there is simply no reason for me to get butt hurt when a prospect doesn’t work out.

      Also the sheer amount of women I’ve been messaging makes me get better at messaging them (ex. and interacting with them. You will find girls that are really good at ball busting, flirting and some that can hold a conversation.

      Summer is upon us, all of use should get laid in the coming months.


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