Unless you’re about to say, “…hit?” while singing along with B-Real during the Cypress Hill track “Hits From the Bong” (1min9sec) then there is no reason to say “Can I get a…?”, ever.
As men if we want something we should not hesitate to find ways to get it
However when asking someone for something like that you are putting yourself in a situation with a higher chance of that person saying “No” to you. And that’s no fun.
So instead of asking for things, be direct, and tell them what you want.
Statements make educated guesses and are far more engaging
Non-verbal communication, from yourself and others, is important to be aware of. How you think and feel about yourself and your surroundings can manifest itself in your body language and tell the world a bit about you.
But you can’t just go around like a mime interacting with people with no words. There must be a balance.
Because I’ve been making an effort to be mindful about what I say to people, wherever I am, I’ve also noticed some interesting things that people say without any conscious effort on their part.
They just say things without considering how they might sound to other people
I’m all for having an attitude of ‘no fucks given’ but you should still make an effort in how you conduct yourself around other people. If you’re just that prick who doesn’t care what anyone thinks, including your peers, then you may find it hard to find and keep people in your life for meaningful relationships.
A very easy way to see these ‘unconscious responses’ from people like “Can I get a…?” is while ordering something from a store.
The next time you’re in the line at the grocery store, coffee shop or drive through listen to how other people ask for things that they clearly don’t need to be asking for.
Think about how most of the these situations play out: Say you were the cashier at a coffee shop and someone ordered a coffee and they said, “Can I get a coffee?” You would probably respond with, “Yes.” And the person who ordered it is expecting you to say “Yes”. Why? Because you’re in a coffee shop!
So if they were expecting you to say “Yes” then why did you have to ask in the first place?
I think this ‘unconscious response’ of “Can I get a…?” is a manifestation of social anxiety that stems from most people afraid of coming across as rude, starting trouble, crossing boundaries or interfering with other peoples’ lives.
To help curb this strange behavior, instead of asking, say things like:
- “I want a…”
- “I’ll get a…”
- “This, this and this.” (simply state the items you want)
It may feel a little strange using those at first but that’s just your social conditioning fighting back. Stay strong and ignore it.
Saying statements like those can help you practice becoming more direct
It may be a small and fleeting interaction, but, there will be a difference in how they perceive you, in a positive way. You’ll be seen as a man who knows what he wants.
Once you make an effort to be mindful of the things that are coming out of your mouth you should be happy knowing that you’ve made a bigger effort in developing your character then most people have. Or ever will.
Do you guys notice any other strange or unnecessary ‘unconscious responses’ people say? Let ‘er rip in the comments.