Stop Saying “Can I get a…?”

Unless you’re about to say, “…hit?” while singing along with B-Real during the Cypress Hill track “Hits From the Bong” (1min9sec) then there is no reason to say “Can I get a…?”, ever.

As men if we want something we should not hesitate to find ways to get it

However when asking someone for something like that you are putting yourself in a situation with a higher chance of that person saying “No” to you. And that’s no fun.

So instead of asking for things, be direct, and tell them what you want.

Statements make educated guesses and are far more engaging

Non-verbal communication, from yourself and others, is important to be aware of. How you think and feel about yourself and your surroundings can manifest itself in your body language and tell the world a bit about you.

But you can’t just go around like a mime interacting with people with no words. There must be a balance.

Because I’ve been making an effort to be mindful about what I say to people, wherever I am, I’ve also noticed some interesting things that people say without any conscious effort on their part.

They just say things without considering how they might sound to other people

I’m all for having an attitude of ‘no fucks given’ but you should still make an effort in how you conduct yourself around other people. If you’re just that prick who doesn’t care what anyone thinks, including your peers, then you may find it hard to find and keep people in your life for meaningful relationships.

A very easy way to see these ‘unconscious responses’ from people like “Can I get a…?” is while ordering something from a store.

The next time you’re in the line at the grocery store, coffee shop or drive through listen to how other people ask for things that they clearly don’t need to be asking for.

Think about how most of the these situations play out: Say you were the cashier at a coffee shop and someone ordered a coffee and they said, “Can I get a coffee?” You would probably respond with, “Yes.” And the person who ordered it is expecting you to say “Yes”. Why? Because you’re in a coffee shop!

So if they were expecting you to say “Yes” then why did you have to ask in the first place?

I think this ‘unconscious response’ of “Can I get a…?” is a manifestation of social anxiety that stems from most people afraid of coming across as rude, starting trouble, crossing boundaries or interfering with other peoples’ lives.

To help curb this strange behavior, instead of asking, say things like:

  • “I want a…”
  • “I’ll get a…”
  • “This, this and this.” (simply state the items you want)

It may feel a little strange using those at first but that’s just your social conditioning fighting back. Stay strong and ignore it.

Saying statements like those can help you practice becoming more direct

It may be a small and fleeting interaction, but, there will be a difference in how they perceive you, in a positive way. You’ll be seen as a man who knows what he wants.

Once you make an effort to be mindful of the things that are coming out of your mouth you should be happy knowing that you’ve made a bigger effort in developing your character then most people have. Or ever will.

Do you guys notice any other strange or unnecessary ‘unconscious responses’ people say? Let ‘er rip in the comments.

One-Uping

Suppress the urge until it’s your turn.

Have you ever had that feeling of really wanting to say what you wanted to say or had the thought of, “I can’t wait until this person stops talking so I can say the thing that happened to me that relates to what their saying!”? If you’re a human being, and a little more extroverted then the normal person, then I know this has happened to you at one time or another in your life. It happens to me more than I’d like it to. Here are two examples of when I experience that ‘urge’ when talking to people I know: 1. If the conversation is about women – we share our trials and errors, some disagreement 2. When we’re talking about Football – we are all in the same Fantasy Football league Sometimes I seem to think that I know more than them about how women actually are and who was/is the best GM of this Fantasy Football season. Although it certainly doesn’t make me an expert, I’ve slept with more women and have had more relationships than my roommate and close friends, not all of them) and I got first place in the regular season, finished third in the playoffs, made $150 overall.

Me thinking I know more than them fuels my ego

…and I must make them understand they are wrong. That need to ‘have to have that person understand’ is an ego investment you should steer clear of. Just knowing that you are right should be enough. Also, being a little bit more extroverted then normal, I talk more than I should. I think maybe I developed that psychological schema because I felt I had to make up for how short I am and other things I think I lack, filling a void or something like that. Not too sure.

Introspection brings you closer to who you want to be

The ability to be able to look at possible bad character traits like, not waiting for your turn to talk or talking too much, is the first step in getting rid of bad habits related to basic social etiquette.

Suppress the urge until it’s your turn

If you do, you will notice that people will connect with you easier because they think you are a good listener. And by practicing basic social etiquette like this you will become a good listener. That then helps you to develop good people skills that you need in order to become the genuine, masculine man you are working hard to become.

A Small Investment in Yourself Goes a Long Way

I wrote on the white board in my room, “NO BOOZE” and my roommate later wrote under it, “FUCK BITCHES MAKE MONEY”

Trying to do all of those is emotionally and physically draining but I wouldn’t want it, and it can’t be, any other way.

Today, with the last twenty dollars I had, I went into the pub, said Hi to the bartender (an older lady, she’s nice) and ordered a pint.

I know I’ve talked some shit about the pub. How couldn’t I?

If you’ve worked somewhere for eight years (especially in a restaurant, front or back of the house), for almost a decade, then you can imagine there would be some hate directed towards your place of employment. It’s natural.

I’m over it and have moved on.

At least I hope that’s the case. You see…

There is a reason I went to the pub today. Not because I’m an alcoholic (perhaps technically) but because the life of self employment can present you with TOO MUCH freedom and a lot more responsibility than it is made out to have.

Bad habits regarding personal finance can become common if there isn’t a solid foundation of discipline

I’m working on that. Find out how much money you need to be making to sustain your lifestyle and then work hard to maintain it. If your life is full of bad habits, starting developing good ones (a review of one of SJ’s books is coming soon).

I talked to the owner and told him that, if he needs help, I’m available. I tried to make it come off without giving him too much hand, or power, in the interaction. I’m not THAT available.

Speaking of hand, when the conversation was over he said, “Thanks and good to see ya.” followed by a hardy handshake. I’ve known him for a decade and haven’t said as much as you would think to him. This guy is one of the most stoic mother fuckers I’ve ever met so that handshake was a gesture to document for the ages.

You guys have got to make sure your handshakes are on-fucking-par

An equal, as much as it can be, exchange of respectful masculine energy i.e. a good handshake cannot be a lost art. Not on my watch.

There has been too many times that I’ve shook hands with, what I thought was the most ‘Alpha’ ever, then turns out to be a limp wrist-ed mirage. Not as cool as I’d thought.

Although not as much recently, I’ve also been the one giving the most shite excuse for a handshake ever. But not this time.

My last twenty dollars of this month helped propel me to an opportunity to make more money. You know what also gave me an opportunity although I didn’t even recognize it? Me.

I under value myself a lot of the time and don’t realize how awesome I actually am

If I burned bridges and was a loser fuck-head then the owner wouldn’t of hired me on part-time for some shifts this month. I need money and he needs the help. We’re both man enough to suck up our pride in the spirit of making more money, for him and for myself.

It’s an investment. Spend money to make money. Even if it’s your last dime. -dcl