There are men out there that are going against the social norm and living the life they want regardless of the vast amounts of criticism and negativity that can come with a lifestyle like that.
One of those men is owner of TylerVin.com, Mile High Game, Tyler Vin.
“Hey Chief, eyes on your own paper.”
Personally, I have had a hard time grappling with the idea of Human Mate Guarding (and here).
Should you be protective of a mate (or mates), outside of the obvious concerns of health and safety of another human? Or should you just accept whatever choice your mate decides when it comes to their sexual future with you, or anyone else?
I’ve never been very ‘Red Pill aware’ in a relationship. Or in other words, a relationship where I had expectations, standards and was the definite leader. A mindset shift I’ve happily accepted and can’t wait to implement more.
My Wife the Wingman
I commented on one of Tyler’s posts called. “Non-monogamy and Pre-selection“.
The post is about the importance of pre-selection. There is an interesting story he shares, at the beginning, where his wife is suggesting he get off the couch and call one of his girls to go out and have a good time with. After the story he gives four lessons you can learn from an open-relationship.
Here is the comment exchange:
dcllcd says
October 18, 2014 at 7:42 PM
Hey Tyler. Interesting post. I agree with Lane.This was the first one of yours I have read. I came over here by way of RedPillGame.com.
Anyways, I thought you might be a guy who can help me with something I have been thinking about recently. I realize I need to have expectations and standards when it comes to women and relationships (I never use to). And the RP has helped a lot, but I am still grappling with some things.
So my question is…within your open-relationship with your wife, are there any feelings of jealousy or mate-guarding going on from your end?
Mate-guarding is the topic that I have been thinking about recently. As I type this, I think that jealousy might be an ego thing….I dunno.
Any advice would be appreciated. Need help with the unplugging. -dcl
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Tyler says
October 19, 2014 at 7:54 AM
Thanks for the question, DCL. I will shoot you an email so we can talk more, but the short answer is this: Yes, jealousy and mate guarding can come up. However, I don’t think that the redpill theory will back me up on my views on the topic. I’m a bit heretical in this area.Mate guarding is primal, evolutionary. But so is non-monogamy (for men and women both). So the key is setting boundaries, rules, and excellent communication so that the feelings (whether primal or conditioned) don’t rule the relationship.
Look forward to talking more soon!
Tyler emailed me shortly after:
Tyler Vin (tylervinconsulting@gmail.com)
Add to contacts
19/10/2014
[Keep this message at the top of your inbox]
To: dcllive@live.com
tylervinconsulting@gmail.com
DCL,Just had a look at your blog. Great stuff! Keep it up. I’ve been slacking on posting for months because of some intense stuff going on in my life. I’ll be back soon though.
Some of the stuff I’ll be writing about centers around these exact themes. Jealousy, mate guarding, safety. What’s not been published on my blog yet is that this summer I took on a woman who is a submissive in the BDSM sense. So now I have a wife and a girlfriend in addition to my other explorations in game. It’s wild. The wife and girlfriend are actually getting along splendidly.
The wife is open to see others, but the girlfriend is not. This may change in the future, but for now, I wanted to keep her for myself, especially given her submissive tendencies. Her protection is at the forefront of my mind. Eventually, we may become fully open so that she can seek a life mate of her own.
With my wife, we have set up extremely specific rules in order to ensure she’s safe. Open relationships don’t work if everyone behaves like a 20 year old sorority girl or frat boy. It’s a very precisely constructed relationship that affords everyone the freedom they need. Feelings of jealousy or protection don’t come up nearly as often when this structure is in place. Then, when they arise, what’s needed is reassurance in the security of the relationship.
This may sound like an oversimplification- and I’m not entirely sure if it answers your questions. I figured I would go ahead and send this your way, then see what further questions you have.
Hope you’re having a great weekend!
Cheers,
Tyler
So, here are a few of Tyler’s Tips for an Open Relationship:
- have rules in place to ensure everyone’s psychological safety
- practice excellent communication so feelings don’t rule the relationship
- open relationships are adult relationships, act accordingly
- when problems arise, reassurance in the security of the relationship will keep everyone happy and within the framework of the rules of the open relationship
I’m not sure yet whether mate guarding is biological or conditioned. But I’m pretty sure that it is most likely not attractive to women.
What are your thoughts on jealousy? How hard would you work to keep someone around? Do you think you could ever be in an Open Relationship?
Let me know what you’re thinking, and leave your thoughts in the comments. -d
