Earlier today I shared with you how I “planted the seed” for my first threesome. Basically for the dates, all you need is to not be weird, have a few drinks/weed (not necessary) and if the girl or girls are attracted to you, it’s basically smooth sailing from there. All you have to do is not fuck up.
Going Green
Last Tuesday, St. Patrick’s Days, I started out doing what I normally do on a Tuesday. A bit of running around, doing errands, working with a client and going to the gym (I don’t go that often to the gym, once a week).
In the afternoon on St. Patrick’s Day I received a text message from Filly, “Hey D, Bangs (her friend) and I are getting ready now! Do you have a friend to bring with you for Bangs?!”. Turns out Filly’s friend was looking to hook up with one of my friends.
I asked my buddy/roommate if he wanted to come. I mentioned that these girls were sexual and liked to drink heavily. I know for a fact that he hasn’t slept with a woman in quite some time, it’s been years (but hey, it took me about a year to get that first bang out of the way after a break-up). He said he might join us.
After getting home, eating and getting ready, I left for the pub. I was with my roommate Trev and our buddy Marsh.
As we were at the pub, turning ourselves green with pints of food-colored Budweiser, I received a text message from Filly, saying, “Bangs is pretty wasted. I’m taking her home soon. Are you and your friend coming out?”
It was decision time. “Trev, what do you think, still coming out?” I said.
Trev says, “Na man. I gotta work tomorrow morning. I think I’ll pass.” I would of asked Marsh but he just moved in with his long time girlfriend and also isn’t that sort of guy who finds random women off the internet to try to bang. But apparently I am.
I messaged her back saying something like, “It’s just me tonight! What’s your address?” Filly reply’s, “Awe! That sucks :( Okay well here’s the address ______.”
Hero’s Quest
I call a cab and make my way over to Bangs apartment. I haven’t mentioned it yet but here’s the tally of what I’ve consumed so far on St. Patrick’s Day: several bong hits throughout the day, four pints of beer and two weed cookies. I was feeling pretty good.
When I showed up to Bangs apartment, her and Filly were in tank-tops and their underwear. So far so good. There was some booze and drinks in the kitchen so I grabbed myself another beer.
Bangs wasn’t as puke-y drunk as I had pictured. That’s a good thing. The girls were mostly singing, drinking and dancing. Then one of them had an idea to play a board game. I can’t quite remember what it was called but I remember saying it reminded me of a shitty version of an epic board game from back in the day called “Hero’s Quest”. Kind of like dungeons and dragons I think.
As we played this board game, which was really hard to follow, all of the substances I consumed that evening, all of a sudden, hit me at once.
Here is where the details of the night get fuzzy. I mostly just remember the good parts.
Here’s what I remember (not in any particular order) before things got heated:
- Going out in the stairwell to call my brother
- Pissing in said stairwell (twice)
- Having difficulty pissing in the bathroom
- Slapping Filly on the ass
- Spinning Bangs around and putting my face in her ass crack (with her clothes on)
This is were I would say it starts to get interesting.
A First Time For Everything
After I rubbed my faced all over Bangs ass she starts rubbing my dick over my pants. Then, without any prompting by me, Bangs kneels down and starts taking my pants off. She makes wonderful noises when a dick is in her mouth.
Keep in mind throughout this post that I’m no suave sex-king or anything like that. I just did what I thought felt good and what I was comfortable with doing.
I saw Filly peeking over into the kitchen from the living room. As I was getting head from Bangs I gestured to Filly to come on over. Without hesitation she comes over and Bangs passes her my dick like they were sharing a hooka pipe.
I said, “You girls are going to make me cum.”
I remember having a strange feeling. It’s hard to explain. I just remember thinking that it was very easy to decide who I was going to blow my load on. It was Filly. Interesting to think about what the psychology behind that is. Or it’s nothing.
Anyways, after that we all go in to the bedroom. Again, I’m no expert so I just did what I thought would work.
As one would get undressed I would make out with the other and finger her at the same time. Nothing crazy, just some rubbing and teasing.
Before I actually fucked either one of them I made them lay down on their backs and hold their legs in the air. I would go down on one while I fingered the other. Bangs pussy was much nicer. Although it probably has been, her pussy didn’t look as beat up as Fillys’ pussy did. So I ate out Bangs more.
Soon after the pussy eating I searched around, in the really dark bedroom (only lit by the lights that were on in the hallway), for a condom. Found one. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do in terms of – when I was fucking one girl, what would I do with the other one?
Lucky for me these girls had experience. They’ve known each other since high school and they probably share everything. “Here, you sit on his cock while I sit on his face.” Bangs said.
They switched that position once. I had no idea I could multitask so well.
Then I had Filly in the missionary position. As I fucked Filly, Bangs is kissing my neck and putting her hand on the base of my dick. I had one of my fingers in her butt hole. They were surprised I was an ass man.
Decisions Decisions
Eventually, after dick sucking, fingering and some penetration, “You girls are going to make me cum.” I said.
“You can cum inside me if you want.” Filly says. I look over at Bangs and she says, “You can in me but not without a condom.”
So I rip off the condom and stick my dick in Filly. Having two women encourage you to have an orgasm INSIDE one of those women is something I won’t ever forget and the memory will be with me until I die.
There we were. Laying in a pile of sweaty skin, sex juices and bunched up blankets and pillow cases.
Eventually we all passed out in the same bed. Filly had got up in the middle of the night and moved to the couch out in the living room.
Wakey Wakey Eggs and Sexy
I woke up to the sounds of eggs and meat cooking, The Arctic Monkeys playing on a speaker louder than I would of liked and the wonderful noise of girls giggling.
Bangs just got out of the shower and jumped in bed beside me. I don’t know about you guys but I usually have a raging hard-on in the morning. Especially after having sex the night before. So as Bangs was on her phone and talking about something, she looks over and sees me gently rubbing my dick.
“Do you want a hand with that?” Bangs says. “(Of course I do!) Sure.” I said.
She gave me one of the warmest morning blowjobs I’ve ever had. Turns out she was horny as well. “Let’s fuck. But I’m not on top, I’m pretty hungover.” As we are laughing at how hungover we both are I put her in doggy-style, then lick her pussy and asshole a bit, find a condom and then had wonderful morning sex.
I was thinking of inviting Filly in there but I decided not to. Not sure why.
I didn’t last very long. She said I had a big dick. She came as well. I remember seeing that white gunk that builds up at the base of your cock/condom after a girl cums. You guys know what I mean.
Wrap This Up
I was so hungover that I could barely eat breakfast. So I packed it up (fried egg sandwich) in a plastic sandwich bag.
I went around the apartment gathering my things. The things I could find anyway. I lost my favorite hat. That’s okay, Filly broke her glasses (actually it was my fault but she doesn’t remember, I sat on them the night before by accident).
I called a cab. It was time to go home and recover. It was Wednesday after all. As I was sitting in the back seat of the cab, pretending to listen to this crazy cab drivers’ stories of how the world has fucked him over, all I could think about was when I came inside Filly without a condom. I swear as soon as I had that thought I felt an itch or something on my dick. Strange feeling.
That was the most I could remember of the drunken night of debauchery that was my first threesome. I don’t know if there are any great lessons in here to be learned, but I’ll list the things that I certainly can’t stop thinking about when it comes to the whole situation, not just the threesome:
Pros
- perhaps some plates and steady sex
- getting better at sex
- significant increase in confidence and overall well being
Cons
- unprotected sex can lead to STIs and unwanted pregnancies
- any increase in emotional attachment and investment can result in losing all plates involved
- inebriated sex may result in a false rape accusation (I just heard of one in real life from a hockey player I know)
Again, for me:
- Always wear a condom
- Don’t get so drunk
- Save screenshots of all messaging interactions (I never use to, now I do, mostly so I can share them with you guys)
- Play it cool and the girls will follow
I realize that online dating is a big buffer against rejection (credit: Rollo Tomassi via Sam Botta recording, 20min in). I’m okay with that. But hopefully I don’t use it as my only source of meeting women. I’m more of a social circle guy. At least I use to be. As I’ve gotten older my social circle has become much smaller but that’s just the way it is. We’ll see.
I know this was long so I really hope you guys enjoyed it. Good or bad, let me know what you guys think in the comments below.
(the morning after – Filly on the left, Bangs on the right)
